


The Boy With the Magic Bellybutton

by CaptainJZH



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Prequel, Season 1A, Steven was so happy and innocent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-06 10:44:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11034555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainJZH/pseuds/CaptainJZH
Summary: Steven's life was normal. Well, only slightly weirder than normal. This is the story of the Steven before Steven Universe: The Steven from before he could summon his shield, before the Red Eye attacked Beach City, before he went on his first mission to the Sea Spire, before he met Connie, and certainly before they stopped making Cookie Cats. A collection of slice-of-life stories taking place in between Steven moving in with the Gems in the Extended Intro and the events of Gem Glow.





	1. Moving Day, Part 1

Steven woke up to the sound of the ocean, as per usual. Well, that and his dad's snoring.

The van was in its normal spot near the Temple, where the house his father and the Crystal Gems had been building for the past several years was almost finished.

Steven’s stomach growled. He knew the Big Donut would be open soon, and that would be as good a breakfast as any.

Unfortunately, his dad was lying on top of him.

“Dad?” Steven asked in a low whisper, “Could you…”

Greg snored and rolled over, crushing Steven even more. Steven felt his eyes almost bulge out of their sockets.

“Hmm…” Steven thought out loud, “Ooh, I got it.”

Steven stuck out his free arm and reached out for a nearby bag of barbecue Chaaps. Opening it up, he grabbed a chip and waved it over his father’s nose.

“Wha…?” Greg muttered in his sleep, his nose following the chip’s scent.

Steven threw the chip over to the other side of the van, where his comatose father instinctively rolled over to.

“Yes!” Steven quietly exclaimed, now free from the old, worn mattress that adorned the van’s rear.

He discretely climbed over his dad up to the front seat, where he sighed with relief once he sat down.

“And now to make my daring escape,” Steven said to himself as he reached for the door handle.

He pulled the handle towards him, unlatching the door...and promptly setting off the (very loud) car alarm.

“What?! Who?! How?! Huh?!” a half-asleep Greg exclaimed as he stood up in surprise, hitting his head on the van ceiling.

“Good morning!” Steven called out over the blaring alarm.

Greg collapsed back onto the mattress.

“This day is off to an interesting start,” he thought.

\---

“Morning Lars!” Steven proclaimed as he entered the Big Donut, “Hi Sadie!”

“Hey, Steven,” Sadie greeted as she stocked the shelves. Lars was asleep by the register.

“So…” Steven said as he walked up to Lars, “How was your weekend?”

Lars snored.

“Ha ha, that’s GREAT!” Steven said, slamming his hand down on the counter. Lars shot up and fell backwards, startled.

“Mine was good, too,” Steven continued, “But today's gonna be even better!”

“Steven…” Lars muttered from his newfound spot on the floor.

“Wanna know why?” Steven excitedly asked, looking over the counter edge.

Lars just glared at him.

“Why, Steven?” Sadie asked.

“Because today I’m moving in with the Gems!”

“You mean those weird moms of yours?” Lars said bitterly as he got up from the floor.

“Oh none of them are my mom,” Steven replied, “They were just friends of my mom.”

“Don’t care,” Lars said, putting his head back down on the counter.

“Anyway, it's going to be really cool, ‘cause I’m going to have my own room and my own bed and my own refrigerator and- Oh, and that reminds me!”

Steven ran over to the mini-fridge with the familiar cat-shaped logo on it. He opened it up and grabbed two ice cream sandwiches out, slamming them on the counter proudly.

“Two Cookie Cats, please.”

As Sadie rang him up, Lars got a devious look on his face.

“You know,” Lars said teasingly, “They say the first night’s the hardest.”

“What do you mean?” Steven asked.

“Well when you move into a new house, everything’s spooky at first,” Lars told Steven dramatically, “Every noise is louder, every dark patch is darker, every...bad smell is...smellier…”

“Smellier?!” Steven shouted, rushing to cover his nose.

“Steven, don’t listen to him,” Sadie said, handing Steven his receipt, “He’s just teasing.”

“That's exactly what they want you to think!” Lars interjected.

“Aaahhh!” Steven cried as he ran out with his purchase, “I don't know who ‘they’ is!!!”

Sadie just looked at Lars and shook her head.

\---

Steven eventually stopped to catch his breath and sat down on a bench. He opened up his Cookie Cat packages and started eating them.

“Yo Stee-man!” he heard Amethyst call out from afar.

He looked, and saw her running towards him with an oven in her hands.

“We got an ov-an!”

Pearl chased her as she ran past.

“Amethyst, be careful with that!” Pearl scolded, “Greg said it was very expensive!”

“Aw relax, P,” Amethyst said as she balanced the oven on one finger, “Just excited ‘cause Steven’s gonna be hangin’ with us!”

Amethyst turned to Steven and asked, “Wanna see something cool?”

Steven nodded, and Amethyst threw the oven across the beach, catching it just before it landed.

“Amethyst!” Pearl shouted, running after her.

Garnet then appeared from out of nowhere, adjusted her shades, and patted Steven on the head, smiling.

Steven got a good laugh out of all this, but once the Gems had disappeared behind the cliffside, his mind went right back to thinking about what Lars had said earlier.

In his imagination, he could see himself sleeping peacefully in his new bed...only for the bed to eat him and spit out his bones.

Then he saw himself opening the door to the fridge...only for the cold air to freeze him solid.

And then he saw himself watching TV...only for the bed to eat him again.

“Aah!” Steven gasped as he snapped back into reality. 

After some heavy breathing, Steven determinedly said to himself, “I need some help.”

\---

“Ding-Dong!”

Peedee opened his front door to find Steven on the porch, rushing towards him and grabbing him by the collar.

“Peedee!” Steven shouted.

“I’m right here, Steven,” Peedee said, somewhat used to this sort of thing with Steven.

“I’m moving in with the Gems and I’m gonna be in a new house and I was excited for it but then Lars said that in a new house everything’s smellier and I don’t know why exactly but then I started thinking about the house killing me and now I’m really scared!”

After a moment of silence, Peedee smiled and said, “Step into my office, Mr. Universe.”

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Moving Day, Part 2

“So LARS told you this?” Peedee asked as Steven sat down on his bed.

“Yeah.”

“And you *believed* him?”

“Yeah! Lars wouldn’t lie to me!”

“Yes he would.”

“No he wouldn’t.”

“Yes he would.”

“No he wouldn’t.”

“Yes, Steven, he would!”

“I refuse to believe such heresy!” Steven said, crossing his arms and looking away.

Peedee put his hand to his forehead.

“Okay, okay, I can tell fighting you on that’s gonna be a losing battle no matter what,” Peedee said, “So let’s focus on the root of the problem.”

“And what’s that?”

“The house.”

\---

“Garnet, help Amethyst carry that!” Greg called out as Amethyst balanced the oven on her nose as she walked up the railing like a tightrope.

“I don’t need to,” Garnet said, adjusting her shades once again.

“Right… Pearl, how’s that plumbing going?”

“Almost...done,” Pearl said as she twisted a wrench around the water pipe under the house.

Peedee and Steven hid behind a rock, watching this all go down.

“Peedee, I’m not so sure about this,” Steven whispered, “Dad and the Gems want the inside of the house to be a surprise.”

“It’ll be fine,” Peedee assured him, “All you gotta do is sneak in, get the feel of the place, and sneak out. Easy-peasy!”

“Easy-peasy… But how do I get inside?”

“We’ll need a distraction.”

At that moment, Greg’s cell phone rang, and he answered it.

“Oh hey Vidalia. We’re good. You what? That’s great! You don’t need to bring it over; We’ll be right there. See ya.”

Greg put his phone away and ran up to the Gems.

“Hey guys! Vidalia finished the painting.”

“That’s my girl!” Amethyst said as she kicked the oven through the doorway.

“I hope she was able to make do with the cursory reference pictures we were able to provide,” Pearl said.

“Let’s go see it,” Garnet suggested.

And so they did, climbing into the van and driving off as Steven and Peedee hid.

“Now’s your chance!” Peedee said, pushing Steven around the corner.

Steven looked up at the stairs. He gulped at first, but forced himself up the stairs, marched up to the front door, pulled the handle, and...proceeded to shout, “I can’t do it!” down at Peedee.

“I can’t go in there! It’s all dark and spooky and the bed’s probably going to eat me and-”

As Steven said all this, Peedee walked up the stairs, opened the door, and pushed Steven in, slamming the door behind him.

“I’m doing this for your own good!” Peedee yelled through the door. He picked up a nearby piece of rope and tied it to the handle, fastening the other end to the railing across from it.

“Noooooooo!” Steven cried out, “Don’t leave me in here! I have so much to live for!!!”

“You aren’t coming out until you’ve learned that there’s nothing to fear!” Peedee said before turning around and marching back down the stairs.

“Nothing to fear…” Steven said as he looked around the darkened house. Most of the walls were empty, as were the shelves. The windows had their blinds down, only letting in small amounts of light. The oven Amethyst had been carrying was sitting in the middle of the room, having been kicked haphazardly through the doorway. The living area had a couch and a fireplace, though, so there was that.

“Heh-heh,” Steven said as he sat down on the couch, “This is actually pretty nice.”

He looked up at the upper level of the house, where his room was. Where his bed was.

“Alright, Steven,” Steven said to himself as he stood up, “It’s time to be brave...And take a nap!”

He ran up the stairs and was about to jump onto the bed, when he hesitated at the sight of it.

“Curse my vivid imagination!” Steven bellowed at the sky.

“Alright, who tied the door shut?” Steven heard Pearl ask outside the house.

“They’re back…” Steven said, worriedly looking around for a means of escape.

“Was it you Amethyst?”

“Not even I’m that weird.”

Steven tried to hide under the bed, but found that his bed was the type that had a solid underside.

“Well who else could it have been?”

“That doesn’t matter,” Garnet interjected. Steven heard the sound of rope tearing.

As the door opened, Steven let out a sigh and ducked under the covers of the bed.

“Where do you want it?” he heard Amethyst ask.

“Just leave it over here for now,” Greg said, “You guys can put it up wherever you want later. I’m gonna go get the rest of Steven’s stuff from the storage unit.”

“Don’t forget Steven’s clothes!” Pearl called out as Greg made his way back to the van.

Steven peaked out from under the covers. He saw a large portrait of his mother leaning against the wall.

“So why are her eyes closed, again?” Amethyst asked, inspecting the painting.

“Ugh, the plumbing’s clogged again,” Pearl interrupted as she stood over the sink, “I told Greg not to go cheap on the pipes, but nooooo he didn’t listen.”

“Greg didn’t buy the pipes,” Garnet corrected, “Amethyst and I...borrowed them. From that nice man at the amusement park.”

“Oh, right, right. How silly of me,” Pearl said as she made her way to the door, “I’ll go fix it. Again.”

For a brief moment, Steven thought he saw Garnet look straight at him, but he hid back under the comforter before he could be sure.

“Amethyst, go and help Greg get Steven’s stuff,” Garnet ordered.

“On it,” Amethyst said, following Pearl out.

“I will be in the Temple. Checking on...things,” Garnet said to presumably no one, “The house will be *completely empty.*”

Garnet went over to the Temple Door, activated it with her Gems, and stepped into the Burning Room, the door closing behind her.

Steven stuck his head out from under the bed.

“They’re gone,” he sighed with relief. He looked down at the bed and began laughing.

“I did it!” he exclaimed, throwing the blanket behind him.

“Did you hear something?” he heard Pearl ask from outside.

“Oops,” Steven said, covering his mouth. 

“Nah, I didn’t hear nothing,” Amethyst replied.

“It’s ‘I didn’t hear anything.’ Grammar, Amethyst.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Steven brought his voice down to a whisper.

“I did it…” he quietly called out, smiling proudly.

Steven ever-so-silently made his way down the stairs, discreetly opened the door, and slipped out of the house. Peedee met him on the other side of the cliff.

“Peedee!” Steven shouted.

“Hey, Ste-”

Peedee was interrupted by Steven giving him a big hug, lifting him into the air.

“I did it Peedee! I got over my fear of living in the new house! Thank you!”

“Don’t mention it… Now could you please let me go?”

“Oh, sorry, heh-heh,” Steven said as he put Peedee back down onto the sand, “So, wanna do something while Dad and the Gems finish up?”

“Funland Arcade?” Peedee suggested.

“You bet!” Steven excitedly agreed, stars filling his eyes.

\---

“Oh, Steven!” Greg called out into the arcade later that day, “It’s time!”

Steven stuck his head out from behind one of the arcade games, a huge smile adorning his face.

“See ya later, Peedee!” Steven said as he ran out.

“See ya, Steven!” Peedee waved before returning to his game.

When the van pulled up to the house, and Steven grabbed his pre-packed duffel bag and pillow, stepped out, and walked up the front steps.

Through the screen door, he could see the Gems waiting. Garnet put up the painting of his mom over the doorway, and the door swung open.

Garnet put her hands on her hips. Amethyst gestured proudly with a look that screamed “Ta-da!” Pearl just looked at him and smiled.

Steven smiled too, and stepped through the door.

“I think I’m going to like it here,” he thought.

THE END


	3. Nor Sleet, Nor Snow, Nor Steven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven notices that he isn’t getting any mail, and tries to figure out why.

“And...ordered,” Steven said as he tapped the “Order Now” button on his phone.

“Hey Steven,”Amethyst said as she jumped up into his bedroom, “What’s up?”

 

“Oh, just ordering a game off the internet. It’s called ‘Golf Quest Mini’.”

Steven held up a magazine ad for the game and continued, “It’s an adventure game where you go on an epic journey to defeat the evil Dr. Sandtraps and-”

“Okay, okay,” Amethyst said dismissively, “Sounds fun.”

“Amethyst!” Steven heard Garnet say from the Warp Pad, “Mission!”

“Fine!” Amethyst called out, “See ya later, dude.”

“See ya, Amethyst,” Steven said, looking back at his phone.

His order’s status read “Ordered - Standard Two Day Shipping Selected.”

“And now we wait.”

\---

ONE WEEK LATER…

Steven checked the mailbox just outside of the Temple, but it was empty.

“Where's my game?” Steven pondered.

Steven checked his phone, and found that his order’s status was “Enroute.”

“Enroute? Enroute??? It's been enroute for almost a week now!”

Steven went back into the house, a found Pearl doing the dishes from breakfast.

“Hello Steven,” Pearl greeted.

“Hey, Pearl,” Steven said glumly, “My package isn't here yet. And I ordered it, like, a week ago but it still says ‘enroute.’ I don't even know what that means!”

“Oh that probably just means it’s still on its way here via the postal service, which usually takes two to three business days, not taking into account the shipping time from the source of the order to the assorted processing centers to the regional mail center to the local post office, which adds another set of variables that-”

“Pearl!” Steven whined, “I just want my video game. And the website said it would be here five days ago.”

“Might have been just lost in the mail, then,” Pearl dismissed, turning back to the dishes.

“Lost in the mail? Hmm…”

\---

Steven perched himself on the top of Beach Citywalk Fries’ roof and looked across the street through a pair of binoculars. Peedee stood behind him.

“So let me get this straight… You’re convinced that the post office is refusing to deliver your mail as part of a twisted plot by a rival gaming company?” Peedee asked.

“It makes perfect sense! If I don't get the game, then the company doesn't get the money, which means the game won't be successful, which means we’ll never get a sequel!”

“But didn't you already pay for it?”

“Shush! Shush! There he is!”

In the binoculars, Steven could see the mailman walking through the park on his route. He seemed to be reciting some sort of soliloquy.

“I’m going in.” Steven said dramatically.

“Wait!” Peedee called out as Steven ran back down to street-level, “Those are my brother’s binoculars!”

As the mailman walked along, Steven followed, hiding behind anything he could find.

“To be, or not to be: That is the question!” the mailman exclaimed, his arm stretched out in a theatrical fashion.

Steven rolled behind a dumpster and looked out with his binoculars. His eyes narrowed, as if to say “I have you now.”

“Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles!” the mailman continued.

Steven ran behind a lamppost, a mailbox, a trash can, and a bench as he sneaked alongside the mailman’s route.

Then, from out of nowhere, Greg rounded a corner and bumped into him.

“Oh hey Schtu-Ball! What's up?”

“Shush! Secret mission!”

“And by opposing end them? To die! To sleep!” the mailman cried out as he started walking around the opposite corner, away from Steven, “No more! And by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks!”

“Is this some Gem thing or…?” Greg began to ask.

“Uh… Gotta go!” Steven quickly said as he ran across the street, “I’ll tell you all about it later!”

“That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd. To die! To sleep!”

Steven ran ahead of the mailman, climbing to the top of a telephone pole. As he struggled to catch his breath from all that running, he waited for the right moment to strike.

“To sleep: Perchance to dream! Ay, there's the rub: For in that sleep of death what dreams may come!”

Then the mailman stopped right underneath Steven’s position.

“Now’s my chance…” Steven said to himself.

“When we have shuffled off this mortal coil...we… Darn, I always forget what happens after that-”

Before he could finish his sentence, the mailman was dive-bombed by Steven, both of them collapsing onto the sidewalk.

“Hey!” the mailman exclaimed, “Interfering with the delivering of mail is a federal offense, I shall have you know!”

“Well so is not delivering my game,” Steven said as he got back up.

“Who are you?”

“Steven Universe!”

“OH! Was it Golf Quest Mini?”

“Yeah!”

“Well then today's your lucky day,” the mailman said, taking a package out of his bag.

“Barb and I didn't know where you lived so we just put it on hold. Your address isn't exactly listed, you know.”

Steven grabbed the package and looked at it in awe.

“The name’s Jaime, by the way.”

“Wait, no!” Steven said, handing the box back to Jaime, “We need to do this properly.”

\---

“And...now!” Steven shouted from behind the rocks.

Jaime leapt out from the cliffside, proclaiming, “I, the post-man, shall deliver this post! This post that thou Steven shalt love the most! And...uh...some other stuff...I'm sure… Steven?”

“Yeah?”

“I need you to sign for the package,” Jaime called out in a high whisper.

“Oh! Right!” Steven said, running up to Jaime and signing his name on the voucher.

“Hey, wanna hear a joke?” Steven asked.

“Sure,” Jaime said as he put away the signature pad back in his bag and handed the game over to Steven.

“What letters are not in the alphabet?”

“Which ones?”

“The ones in the mail, of course!”

The two broke out into laughter, which slowly devolved into awkward silence.

“Well I’ll be going now,” Jaime said, turning around and walking off. 

Steven looked down at his game and smiled.

THE END


	4. Binge-Watcher Beware

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven discovers Crying Breakfast Friends and tries to avoid spoilers as he plays catch-up.

Steven sat at the foot of his bed, aimlessly channel surfing. He randomly stopped at the one with cartoons on it.

“And now back to Crying Breakfast Friends!” the announcer said enthusiastically.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to check that out,” Steven said to himself.

On screen, a Croissant was crying next to a Pear, who was also crying.

“You all hate me because I come from the bakery instead of the supermarket!” the Croissant cried out.

“Oh no we don’t hate you,” the Pear said, “We just hate the bakery.”

“I’m so sorry for thinking that!”

“I’m so sorry for making you think that!”

The Croissant and the Pear hugged as they bawled their eyes out.

“Aw, that’s so nice,” Steven said with a smile as the episode ended.

\---

Later, Steven ran into Peedee down on the boardwalk.

“Hey, Peedee!” Steven called out, “I just watched an episode of Crying Breakfast Friends, and it’s just as good as you said it was!”

“Told you you’d like it. Which one did you watch?”

“The one where the Croissant’s upset about being from the bakery and the Pear apologizes at the end for making her feel unwelcome and they cry and everything’s okay.”

“You started on THAT ONE?! That one had so much build up to it! Aw man, you gotta start from the beginning.”

“Well where can I do that?”

Peedee looked to the left and to the right, before whispering in Steven’s ear, “I can show you.”

\---

In his room, Peedee got out a laptop and began searching online. After a minute, he turned the laptop around and said, “Voila! Every episode of Crying Breakfast Friends up to this point, available for free in HD.”

“Wow!” Steven exclaimed, stars in his eyes, “Wait, is this legal?”

“...Eh.”

“No!” Steven said, slamming the laptop shut, “I refuse to take part in your senseless debauchery, Peedee!”

Steven ran out of the Fryman house, shouting “The rules shall be upheld!!!”

Peedee just shook his head and shouted back, “Well it’s your funeral!”

\---

Back at home, Steven looked up how to buy Crying Breakfast Friends online.

“Okay, so how much do all the seasons cost together?”

His query was met with a big, fat “$59.99” price tag.

“Oh come on!” Steven cried out, collapsing back onto his bed, “I don’t have that kind of money! Not even Dad has that kind of money. Maybe I’ll just have to catch up the old fashioned way!”

He checked the guide on his TV. Apparently, CBF was barely on the schedule for the next week, if at all.

“How are people supposed to watch it if they never show it?” Steven wondered out loud.

He turned back to his phone. He searched “How to watch CBF episodes online legally” but threw his phone down at the sight of a spoiler in the images section.

“Ah! I need to have the optimal viewing experience!” Steven cried.

“Steven, what’s wrong?” Pearl asked from down below.

“I wanna watch Crying Breakfast Friends but Peedee wanted me to break the law and I can’t do that so I tried to watch the show legally but it cost a lot of money and they never air it and all my searches gave me spoilers which ruins the experience and I want to have the right experience or else I won’t enjoy it as much and then I won’t be able to relate to people who like it more and-!”

“Steven,” Pearl interrupted, “I have no idea what anything you just said means, but if I were in your position, I would make do with what I had and be patient. After all, good things come to those who wait!”

As Pearl walked off, Steven looked down at his phone and thought about what she said.

“I can wait...” Steven told himself, “I can wait!”

“Yes, you can Steven!” Pearl called out from the other room.

\---

FOUR WEEKS LATER...

“And...sixty!” Steven proclaimed, carefully stacking a dollar onto a large stack of dollar bills.

Steven ran to the Big Donut as fast as he could, carrying his pile of dollars with him.

He dumped his pile onto the counter.

“One sixty-dollar ‘eThemes’ gift card, please!”

“Wow, that’s a lot,” Sadie said, “Let me just count it out to be sure.”

“Really? That’ll take forever!” Lars scoffed, “What are you even going to spend it on? Sixty lullabies?”

“I most certainly am not!” Steven said, “I’m buying the entire series of Crying Breakfast Friends.”

Lars was silent for a minute, but then spoke up, restraining his laughter.

“Well it’s gonna cost you a lot more than sixty bucks.”

“What?”

“They just aired an entire new season this month! And then they split up the first season into two volumes on eThemes, which has gotta be another thirty, at best.”

“Aw…” Steven sadly said as Sadie handed him his purchase, “I guess I won’t be joining my fellow fans just yet.”

The moment Steven left, Sadie turned to Lars and asked, “How do you know so much about Crying Breakfast Friends?”

“Uh…”

\---

FOUR MORE WEEKS LATER…

“And...there!” Steven said as he assembled his new pile of money, “This has got to be enough.”

Steven, once again, dumped his pile of money onto the counter of the Big Donut, and was given a gift card.

“Whoopsie,” Lars said, looking at his phone, “Looks like you’re gonna need more than that if you wanna catch up. They just dropped the next fifteen episodes online-only.”

“Noooooooooooo!” Steven shouted.

“But can’t he just log in with his-” Sadie began to say, before Lars quickly covered her mouth.

“Enjoy the inability to properly converse with other weirdos that like the same things you do, Steven!” Lars cackled as Steven left the store with his purchase.

 

\---

SO MANY MORE WEEKS LATER THAT STEVEN AND THE WRITER BOTH LOST COUNT AND JUST DECIDED TO GET ON WITH IT ALREADY...

“And...there!” Steven said, piling together his jumbled mess of cash and small change, “There’s no way this won’t get me caught up.”

Steven's phone buzzed with a notification.

“Ooh, CakeMan93 has a new video! I can't wait to watch-”

Steven's excitement was cut short as he saw that the video title was “Why Sad Apple Should Have Cried More Over Spilled Milk’s Spilling [Crying Breakfast Friends Season Finale Analysis]”

“NOOOOOO! THAT’S A SPOILER!!!!!” Steven screamed, throwing his phone onto the bed.

He grabbed all his money and made a break for the Big Donut.

“I gotta get there before the entire show’s ruined for me!” Steven said as he slid down the railing and out the door.

As he made his way around the cliff, he saw Peedee walking past.

“Hey Steven! What's up?”

Steven stopped to catch his breath and told him, “Crying Breakfast Friends...have enough money...entire series...almost spoiled...gotta get to...Big Donut… Oh I don't think I can make it.”

Peedee smiled deviously, pulling out his phone and saying, “Oh you'll make it…because if you don't I’ll show you this spoilery screenshot from the midseason finale!”

“AAAAAAHHH!!!” Steven cried out before running off, “Thanks for that Peedee!”

“Don’t mention it!”

As Steven rounded the corner and came within sight of the Big Donut, Lars was cleaning the front windows.

“Laaaaars!” Steven called out, “Open the door! I have enough to catch up now!”

Lars smugly walked back inside and locked the door.

“LAAAARS! There’s no telling what spoilers I could get from just standing out here!”

“What’s that?” Lars said, pressing his phone against the glass, “I couldn’t hear you over the sound of Pear crying over Sad Apple’s bruise!”

The clip in question started playing, stopping Steven dead in his tracks.

“AAAH! Spoilers!” Steven said, covering his eyes and dropping his money, “Wait. You watch Crying Breakfast Friends?”

“No I don’t!” Lars protested from behind the glass, “I just...happen to know these things. Ironically.”

“Must...not...watch...but can't...resist…”

Steven peeked through his fingers and squinted to look closer at the clip Lars’ phone was playing.

“That’s not even an official clip!”

“Sure it is!”

“It’s filmed right off of someone’s TV screen!”

“But it’s still real!”

Peedee walked up behind Steven and looked at the clip, too.

“No it’s not,” Peedee dismissed, “The line thickness is all wrong, there are no voices, and the backgrounds are recycled.”

“But-”

“Now if you wanna see a real leak- Steven, cover your ears -take a gander at THIS!”

As Steven covered his ears, he could see Lars gasping in surprise at and trying to look away from the clip Peedee was showing him, before surrendering and unlocking the door.

“You win, Fryboy.”

\---

“One eThemes gift card…” Lars grumbled as he stuffed Steven’s money into the register and put the purchase on the counter, “Enjoy the rest of your lame kid’s show.”

“I will!” Steven exclaimed before running out of the store with his gift card, “Thank you Lars!”

“So…” Peedee began, “Who’s your favorite Breakfast Friend?”

“None. I wouldn't dare get near that dumb trash.”

“Okay,” Peedee said as he made his way to the exit, “But you don't know what you're missing!”

After a few moments of silence, Lars took out his phone and looked up some CBF fanart.

“Oh Glum Glass, you're such a sweetheart…”

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Or: "Steven's Experience Watching Crying Breakfast Friends Pretty Much Mirrors My Initial Viewings of SU and Gravity Falls Exactly"


End file.
